WOULD I BE ABLE TO FIND IT AGAIN?

 


So here I am, after a long time. It's the morning of a fresh day, yet I do not feel the same. I need to cry for being so unfortunate. Yesterday night all I agreed to believe was to be thankful for everything I've got. I mean, there are people whose limbs or arms got amputated. There are ones who do not have a roof to live under. So I kept thinking, and so did I sleep so well yesterday. But now what? I'm being quite jealous over a very small thing. And it questions me… Am I the bad one? Am I the reason why my friends are not any closer? I agreed yesternight to not feel hatred or to not keep getting angry at every little thing but here I am writing this because I could not bear the degree of jealousy I was surrounded with. I just need to feel lighter, not heavier.


Well it's jealousy because I am very disappointed over what has happened to myself. Actually it's no one I'm jealous at, I'm just angry at myself. I was once the happiest and cleverest person but I am not anymore. You see I've got tons of work, and at the same time there are tons of factors which stop me from doing them; the most annoying one being having to study at home. And I happen to get angry at myself for not doing work. Connection issues are another thing which drives me crazy. It all comes back to square one: Me finding a way to avoid work and complain against myself that I am not doing any work. 


So for that I apparently do not need to be jealous with another. I should be just angry at myself. I'm writing this with a huge red factor which may be about hundred thousands valuable. I'm talking numbers and I'm talking about my anger. It's eating me up. I just need to feel peace again. 


Would I be able to find it?

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